[Anja]

I have to take some exception to the hard line that heart is quoting from the book. Modern day rhetoric sometimes oversteps the boundaries of healthy, although unpleasant experiences, that we try to protect our childen from. We want to create perfect lives for our kids. Who wouldn't?

Note, please: It certainly depends on the degree and the length of time the bullying is going on. We can all figure out how damaging it will be if it is persistent. But the troops don't always need to be called out.

Having to go through tough times does build strength against adversity. Nietsche said it very well, and I don't like it, but it is a truism. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And there are bullies in the workplace, there are bullies in city government, there are bullies in our church organizations. By the time we come to them we'd better know how to handle these situations on our own because they will be firmly entrenched in their spot by the time they feel assured that their behavior will be accepted.

I think, substitute, that all of us want a better God for our children than we had for ourselves. And life doesn't work that way. My kids went through a lot of rough stuff when they were young. And yes, they carry some battle scars. Who doesn't? But the point is that they have become understanding that mom and dad can't protect them from everything and have learned pretty well how to do it for themselves.

I encountered a work situation once where there was constant scapegoating and learning not to react to it was an effective way to go ahead and do my job until the scapegoaters found another focus. I don't know if it works for children or not. But they certainly need to get to a point where they can't allow others' bad behavior to hinder them. That's a life task for healthful living.

Constant support is probably the most valuable thing you can do for your daughter. And not the "phony" kind someone mentioned earlier that children easily see through. But rather always being there to help bind the wounds and give strength and courage.

You do agree with the aphorism that a parent's purpose is to make themselves uneccessary? That's a hard one to learn to do. Especially with a first child.

And she is on the way now to adulthood. You will both find your way through this and with the level of consciencious care I hear from you you will do well. Parenting suppport groups?