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Originally Posted by substitute
kyuuei - yes it does seem a vital thing for someone to have friends to lean on. At my daughter's previous school she was coping with it until her best friend moved away, then it became so bad that I took her out and homeschooled her for a while. The trouble is that what often happens, especially with girl bullies, is that they isolate you from those friends, they seem very adept at stirring trouble between friends and turning them against you so that you remain isolated.
What my daughter has at the moment is that at her new school there are two kids (in a year of over 250) who went to her old school, and one of these is - for reasons unknown - apparently spreading rumours about her being 'messed up'. My daughter's very sensitive and seems to really put a high premium on what 'others' think of her, so just one kid saying she was messed up at a bus stop was enough to have her in self-loathing tears all night. You know how they say it takes a hundred compliments to undo the psychological damage of every insult? they were talking about her!!
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Well, my problems were a bit different, but I never seemed to care too much what others thought of me. I often dressed in very unfashionable clothing, to the extent that people would try to rip it up right as I was wearing it sometimes. ( I still don't dress fashionably lol) My problem also centered around girls, since they do have an acute way of being physical bullies and have more of a way with words. They are the worst in my opinion, and the hardest to deal with. I stuck to males for a long time, and even now I find talking to men is easier than women because of the way I grew up constantly thinking women were trying to be nice to me just to do something dirty and mean later on. Your daughter is much different from I though, I never had intentions of being friends with any females I just cut them out of my life. (NOT to say this was right, but it was my way of surviving.)
My youngest sister who I raise, is having a lot of trouble with girls as well. HER problem is that she was bullied during elementary and junior high, but now that she's in high school she's found she can "get in" and be friends with people if she flirts with boys, becomes materialistic and shallow, and runs with the wrong crowd. She's so scared of saying NO to the peer pressure and being an outsider that she gets into trouble with the law and at home a lot now. Currently, she's grounded to the house for the rest of the SEMESTER for her actions so far in the year. It's been very difficult for us all, because my brother and older(but still younger than I) sister were very popular and I had a very different way of dealing with things than her.
It's one of the worst problems because even though we're adults, we can't really step into her life and stop it so much as we want to do all we can to protect her. She's got to figure it out on her own.
In the end though, mayhap your daughter will become stronger and get some intestinal fortitude from all of this, which might build her confidence since she would stop relying on others to get her confidence from, and in turn confidence will make friends which will keep bullies away? .... It sounded good in my head.