Hmm, yeah YLJ I can see how that approach might work for a reasonably strong boy, but for a shy and sensitive little girl I really can't see telling her to beat the crap out of them as being a viable solution
Even if I told her I've no doubt that she'd never be able to do it and besides, I've also no doubt that if she did do it, they'd come back on her next time with twice the numbers and she'd pay tenfold.
I was looking at the links you gave heart and I found this interesting:
Quote:
Bullies are popular children
Bullies are often surrounded by other children, not through popularity but through fear. The bully is rarely able to sustain a friendship (which is based on trust, dependability, loyalty and mutual respect) but instead forms alliances which are part of their strategy for power and control. A hard look at the bully and his or her cohorts will reveal a gang or clique mentality in which true friendship is absent. Some children side with the bully because they gain sufficient bravado to act like bullies themselves - which they are too weak and inadequate to do without the bully - but most children side with the bully for fear of otherwise becoming a target - a fear that is nearly always justified. Those children who do not join the gang or clique are then targeted by the bullies who gain power from numbers
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This is absolutely the problem that we have here. My daughter K sees these kids who always have big gangs and loads of 'friends' and sees them as being popular whilst she in contrast is alone and therefore unpopular; this reinforces the impression she gets from the BS they tell her, that she's worthless and nobody likes her, and that she should aspire to being worthy of their friendship - which of course is never gained because the harder she tries the harder they laugh.
However even if she were to understand this, it'd be small comfort for her when she's all alone. From her POV, it doesn't make much difference whether the other kids dont' sit with her because they're scared of the bullies or because they don't like her.
I have always thought she values others' opinions of her too highly, since she was very small I've noticed that she's too easily wounded by a nasty word from a total stranger whereas even when I was a kid I had SOME ability to say 'this person doesn't even KNOW me, they're just talking shit'. It wasn't so much being unpopular that got to me, it was just the isolation (as a strong natural extravert). I never cared to be popular, I just wanted to have friends to sit with and talk to and be left alone.