Your mom sounds just like my mother-in-law (who I think is also an ESFJ)
She used to drive my ENFJ husband crazy, when he was still living at home. Actually, when I think about it, they are at each others throats every time we go to visit - which is not very often, probably due to the abovementioned incidents
And the crazy thing is, she means well, but she just won`t get it how annoying she can be. I think that ESFJs can get along with NT and NF as long as they are equal (and relationship parent-child is not equal by default and will never be).
So, the only solution to your problem is to move out and be independent. You can`t choose your parents and siblings, but you can choose your spouse and friends - let that be a consolation to you.