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Originally Posted by dissonance
wow it's amazing to me that so many people navigate life in this way. i can honestly say this is the most relevant thread to my life out of anything i've seen on this site. (i literally dropped my jaw when i read the OP, especially the comment about therapy.)
i've been thinking about this for days now. i think i have a lot more to say, but i have to process a bit more.
thanks edahn.
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Freaky. You keep writing what I'm thinking, but with better words than I can come up with.
Agreed. I'm still processing various insights from this thread. I was somewhat concious of some of this, but I've been able to articulate it more. Named fears/insecurities are easier to deal with than when they're hiding and pulling the strings without you realising.
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p.s. a lot of people have brought this up already -- i'd like to agree that being in a job situation where people are guaranteed not to like you is quite helpful. the intensity of this problem in my life has definitely decreased from working in food service  . but i still find myself looking to my coworkers for approval in an angry-customer situation.
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I had to go to a meeting last week when I was the focus for most of it, with most of the reactions ranging from lukewarm to outright hostile. I had to keep stopping myself going with the impulse to be liked - that wasn't the purpose of the meeting. So, I was juggling negotiating, defusing, doing conflict resolution and and having to follow complex technical discussions while also having to watch my own emotional reactions objectively and let them wash over me, instead of giving in to them. No wonder I was exhausted by the end of the day...
Anyway, that was my roundabout way of agreeing that desensitising while being concious of reactions and the motivations behind them are the way through it.
(I'm a bit drunk while writing this, hopefully this isn't too garbled)