Quote:
Originally Posted by nolla
I haven't lost my self-control since I was ten. It bothers me. I would like to know how I react if I lose it, but of course I can't make myself lose it, and I'm not sure that I dared if I could. Its like, I have no evidence that I would be dangerous or anything, but it doesn't feel good not knowing...
The second last time I lost it was when I was 8 or something. My brother had left scissors on the floor and we ran around the house and I ended up having the scissors in my foot. I mostly yelled some ugly stuff. Then the last time was when we were fighting outside (i was sick of fighting all the time with him, but he somehow enjoyed it) and I broke his self-confidence by laughing at him while he was trying to keep me down. Im not sure if he ever recovered emotionally. He was devastated by it.
So, now I'm quite a lot older and I don't really know what I might do if I ever lose my sence of right and wrong. I mean, it was really a big surprise for the ten-year-old-me to break someone with a laugh, and I have never done anything like that again, but it makes me think that I could possibly hurt someone really bad if I don't keep myself in check.
Experiences?
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Well, Nolla, at 28 I wish I could honestly say that I never blow up anymore, but that would be totally far from the truth. Being a person with extreme emotion, I find it easy to "go off the deep end" sometimes. Yeah, I get angry, cry, and say nasty things more than I should.
I suppose delving into myself and trying to act more rational might help me to get some perspective and not react so emotionally to things. But it is a damned hard process. I find humor helps, though, which is why I have resorted to finding comical ways of expressing my disgruntlement rather than cynical, sarcastic remarks. It doesn't ALWAYS work, though.
