The funny thing is that now that I have backed off and told him that I was done with it, he has been really relaxed and happier around me and started showing interest again slowly. I think the problem was that he felt rushed by my trying to lead him to a conclusion he wasn't ready to reach.
Last night we were talking about this time when one of my roommates was crazy and he and I were dating then...he said he wished he could just forget that whole time in his life. I laughed and said, "me, too." I quickly got off the phone with him, leaving it on a good note. He called back a few minutes later. He said, "When I said that I wanted to forget that whole time, I didn't mean you. I didn't want you to think I meant you." He said it so sweetly. Lately we have been giving each other these really long sweet looks, keeping conversation light and friendly.
The thing is, I know I created the monster he became for a little while. I put him on the defensive. I backed him into a corner. It's the whole don't go near the cave lest you be burned by the dragon guarding it...Now that I am letting him come to me, he's letting himself get closer. I decided yesterday that the only way I'll feel safe getting back into a relationship with him is if he is initiating it all the way, every bit of it. If he decides it's what he wants, he will put all earnest effort into making it work. He will take the lead. He will make all the plans. He did before. I made the mistake of criticizing his efforts before.
In answer to your question about "will tire him out very fast, am i wrong in saying that your dates dont usualy last more than a few hours?", we both have very busy lives. We never have more than a few hours. I require downtime away from people, too, but I enjoy just having another's presence....I don't have to be talking to them to be happy. I enjoy just doing everyday things together, cooking, cleaning, working, etc...teamwork. He is very much a team player. I sense when he is needing quiet (he starts touching his glasses when I'm talking, and I know he needs me to be quiet) and so put my head to the grindstone and do something else. There's always something else for me to do.
My heart is still very much tied up with his, and it's obvious his is, too. I believe two people who want to make something work will. Once he wants to then we will really have something.
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