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Originally Posted by Gen
and get into why it happened, the psychology of the other person involved, the ethics of your options, etc.
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That's what I mean, they get into the context part which is what you want to discuss.
Versus
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Originally Posted by Gen
An S is more likely, in my experience to tell you a story about when something like that happened to her, or why she wouldn't let that happen, or if that's socially unacceptable because its a really upsetting event, leave it at "I'm sorry, I hope things get better". Its not a case of understanding or not.
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The story is supposed to be a concrete example. If you watch two Ss argue it's often a whole barrage of specific examples going back and forth. It's quite interesting as usually an N is the best judge as they can build a picture of all the examples being thrown about and declare the de facto winner
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Originally Posted by Gen
Also, if you just want someone to stare at you while you blather on, how do you know they're listening?  |
My cat listens okay. Just cause you're a heathen!!
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Originally Posted by Gen
Kidding. I see your point, being interupted is annoying. It doesn't mean they're not listening; it really, really doesn't. It's just that they're bubbling over with thoughts from what you've said already and how can you move on in the conversation if you haven't cleared up this part yet?
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Me thinks you're t-ing this bit. Listening is not always about fixing things... sometimes it's just about the listening. In such cases an introvert rules.
Plus have you not gotten annoyed at some bubbly N trying to tangent off before you got to the crux of the subject? Personally I hate it when people jump the gun and think they've heard enough when I've got stuff which I feel is important yet to say. Mind you I also know that importance is subjective and also how the hell are they to know I've got this important information before I tell them?
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Originally Posted by Gen
Sometimes, if you know you need to get to a certain point before they will know enough to contribute, you can tell them: "wait until I finish, because this is important".
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As you do with introverts. The point being is will the extrovert find it as easy to "back seat" their bubbling idea whilst they listen or is it more likely that they no longer hear you and are just waiting to be allowed to explode?
(that's not a leading question btw, just something that occurred to me from some of the ESs I've known).
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Originally Posted by Gen
You have to respect someone elses approach in order to get respect for yours. (And part of respecting someone elses approach is actually not expecting them to do it your way ) |
That's a fallacy actually and very chicken and the egg. Respect is given and received simultaneously and independently. One does not impact on the other in any direct relationship.
The point is that if I want someone to listen, not to converse but just to listen by itself, then I talk to introverts. If I want motivating or sorting or compassion or any kind of feedback then I'm more likely to go to an extrovert. (That's not a hard rule obviously other wise I wouldn't surround myself with extroverts so much...)