Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer
Well, they're open-ended externally because they need all the information to fuel the internal judging. That's what happens.
The experience is rather odd. Inside, I feel like a very critical person. Every comment, every piece of information that comes in, is immediately crunched, i.e., applied to the model of reality so that there is a definite, describable model that things either conform to or do NOT conform to. But it's constantly being refreshed by every new piece of information. So each piece of info is being weighed as "correct" or 'incorrect", judged, and saved or discarded.
But outwardly, everything's all flexy. Even if internally it's not. Because there is always "more information" that could invalidate the model, so I can't judge EXTERNALLY (the information "out there" is limitless and can't be evaluated that way, to me), only internally (because that is where my standards are specific, and definable, and supreme). So it's judged only when it comes inside.
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That makes some sense to me. I feel like I do that to information some of the time, except that I try to create rules/guidelines based on it that won't require me to do this continually, or at least simplify the extent to which I have to do this as it can get very complex very quickly if I can't automate it.
For me, it's like I see one piece of information in several ways, and I have to accept and express just one in order to do anything other than sit in contemplation. In fact, my biggest communication flaw is probably assuming people see the things I say from as many perspectives as I do (for instance, the way Jen misunderstood my complaints as a sense of superiority and condemnation of others rather than just trying to list any flaws I could think of. For instance, if I'd known she would read it, I probably wouldn't have said it that way [if at all]. It always feels weird having one group of people read or overhear I what I said with another in mind, because I know it has a completely different meaning for them, and that they won't get an accurate picture from what I said.).
Of course, some of the shades of meaning are subtle enough that I can't even express them and still make sense. It's a bit like when you take a picture with a digital camera, and every pixel has to be just one color while collectively still giving the impression of the original picture. Or perhaps trying to convey 3-D information via a single 2-D slice. Somehow, the mind can easily make sense of it when it's moving, but a 2-D freeze-frame representation of a 3-D image is confusing unless the angle is just right.
There's a reason I ask "Does that make sense?" so often. Because I'm actually not sure I did make sense until someone else tells me I did. I usually strongly suspect I did, and need another person to explain why I didn't if they don't think so, but I don't really feel sure unless someone or something confirms I did. I'm often afraid that what I'm saying will come across as gibberish or nonsense (because I'm aware of leaving so many inexpressible gaps that I expect people to fill in mentally), and then feel a bit relieved when I go back and read it a few days later and think "Wow, did
I really write something like that? I can't believe I expressed myself that well."
I can't put my finger on what makes Ti and Fi different because neither is apparent in the expression, but I can certainly feel a difference in how they affect me viscerally.
Ti (usually) just leaves me with a calm, subtle, disarming feeling. Often accompanied by a sense of fairness or consistency, and the vague sense that whether I understand is important, and that they see that there's room for improvement in their own understanding of things. Although they don't explicitly say this, it seems to come through.
Fi (usually) being used in a strong way makes me feel tired, nervous, anxious, and ill. I then feel a strong need to read philosophy such as Hegel or Aristotle, do math problems (and I don't even like math usually), and read technical manuals. Sometimes even read the "Jedi Code" several times as well. It's a bit like the need to get an awful taste out of your mouth after having eaten something very bitter and/or burned... except that it's my mind rather than my mouth. And a sense of imbalance/anxiety like someone tried to turn the world upside down, or increase/decrease gravity abruptly.
Notice I said "usually." This is because some FP's don't have this effect on me, and manage to seem closer to the Ti "effect" (although the one I described is most common for me). And of course, some TP's have an effect closer to (but different from) the second one, except that it pushes me to read about etiquette, the Social Contract, fantasy/mythology and history (especially medieval or classical eras), and things of that sort. It's not as strong or frightening in that latter case as much as an irritated feeling.