[Athenian200]

Ironically, I think I under use my auxiliary function... perhaps that's why I have such a strong sense of unawareness of who I am?

But here's my attempt:

Fe:

It seems like an easy way to protect myself. If I meet other's basic expectations, and do no more or less, then they will not expect much more of me, and I will be free to do as I wish the rest of the time. Therefore, I do the basics. I say hello and goodbye, I ask how others are doing, and always have a valid excuse ready in case I don't have the energy to do something they ask. If I am kind to them, there's a good chance they will praise me and/or repay me, both of which would be comforting. Even if they don't, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing I did something helpful. It's likely that others would notice this if I did it often enough, and if I had the energy and resources, I could probably make it so that I was well-liked in my community.

Come to think of it, other people's feelings probably affect me quite a bit. That's probably why I avoid people, they feel too much, and it changes so quickly. Their moods are strong and unstable... I can't take it. I feel quite a bit of pity for someone who is physically ill or tired, because I know how that feels. Same goes for people who need obvious help. There are many things that hurt people in ways I can't relate to, though, and I feel so confused and powerless in those situations. All I can think to do is apologize, and I don't even know what I'm apologizing for... perhaps my inexperience and uselessness to them? I guess so. Maybe I'm really asking myself for forgiveness for not having done more and been through more so that I could actually relate to and comfort these people. And this just drives me to avoid meaningful contact with people again so that I won't experience the irritation of not being able to help them, and then when I go out among them it comes back, and so on...

Often I have an emotional problem, talk to a stranger about it, and then feel better and validated by having talked about it, and don't really ever make a lasting friendship. I allow others to do this with me as well. One person called this "getting hit and run sympathy."

I guess ultimately, I sort of misuse Fe. Instead of using it for it's own sake, I just use it to collect all the positive emotional energy (many people exude it freely, and I can sense them) I need to feel okay and assured that I'm a good person (while avoiding negative emotional energy), and then run back to my computer and books until it runs out, and then I repeat.

For some reason, thinking about it reminds me of a vampire, except that I'm doing it with emotional energy rather than blood. That's probably why I try not to think about it. It's an unfortunate necessity that I need to survive, and I've found it's best not to entertain thoughts of guilt about it.