[Ivy]

First, I want to say how sweet it is of you to be so compassionate toward your relative and want to help her out. Clearly you care for her, even if you're not on a similar wavelength with her.

Second, I'd echo what others have said: don't ask if you can help her, just find a way to help and do it. She will not likely accept your offer of help, and if she does it may feel shameful to her to have burdened you. Be the laundry fairy, or the dish fairy. She'll know it was you and she'll appreciate it even if she's too embarrassed to call attention to it.

I might try turning your compliments on their noses a bit, too-- instead of remarking on how immaculate her home is, remark on how well she has created an environment where her family can enjoy each other's company. Instead of remarking on how well-behaved her children are, remark on how they clearly love and are loved by her, and what a testimony that is to her devotion. I'm concerned with my childrens' behavior and the state of my house when I have visitors, but I'm MORE concerned with providing unconditional love and giving them a happy childhood.

If you think she needs a break from mom/wife stuff, you could ask to spend time with the kids while she goes somewhere alone. It's probably better to make it about you wanting to see them than offering to "help her out." If she sees through that, which she probably will, you can also frame it to her as a way to present her best self to the family.