He doesn't sound atypical for ESTJs. The ones I have known have always prided competence and leadership [through competence if nothing else]. And they tend to look at those who do not do as much as their lives as they could as if they were slacking off. Even the females tend to be this way.
The one time I had to win one over (he was annoyed by my NP ways), I had to show that I was diligent, competent, and responsible... and once he figured that out despite my methods being different, he became a friend. (Of course, he used to drive ME nuts because I saw all this stuff about him from the start -- and saw his main problems as pride and an inability to flex.)
Some of the stuff has to happen on his end, so I won't talk about that. As far as you go, you're 21 and nigh time to make a clean break from your father and become your own person. Right now, you still live under his shadow even when he's not present.
- Your ways and style are valid measures of a person and a man.
- When your father's gone, you'll still have to live with yourself and the path you've chosen.
- Your father is not you, he's different. And his core traits won't change. So you need to love him for what he is and accept the negative aspects as an actual part of him. Right now you seem to accept the good parts but really REALLY are hoping the bad stuff will change. It probably won't, and you'll need to love/accept him even for that stuff.
- You will have to draw sharp boundaries. He will almost guaranteed encroach on them, so you'll have to defend them with quiet gentle confidence and not give him anything to react against or fight with you about. If you get into a heated match with him, it'll just reinforce things. Deny him without fighting with him.
- Do you really want to be in med school? Is there something you'd like better you can pursue with the education you have so far? Is it worth it to finish med school and then take advantage of the career(s) open to you even if they don't match your father's ideas? Obviously if they are investing money in you, you won't have complete freedom, but these are things to consider.
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