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CzeCze · 04-09-2008, 10:14 AM

Hey Angry, not really about the dad, but did you want to go med school? Is being a doctor your passion, your first choice?

'Cause I am an ENFP who has done similar things (though it may not look it...) and oh boy, trying to live up to your parents standards or make anyone else happy will NOT work. Especially for an ENFP you will be miserable.

You will hit the wall eventually that you are a disappointment to your dad, probably when you are in your 30s, married to a woman you chose partially because of his approval, maybe with a kid, and a career you don't want with college debt you can't wish away. It will make you resentful and angry and oh yeah, you will still be a disappointment.

So bail out now while you have the chance!

I know, I'm totally melodramatic, but I'm ENFP like you so I'm allowed.

Seriously though, following parents' wishes = bad formula. Your dad will get over it eventually. And if not, he will still continue to care about you. It's like "coming out" as your own person. This is not necessarily end of the world 'disappointment' or 'disapproval'.

Parents are also people on their own individual journeys and coming to terms with the fact their children are independent people who are not under their contol and will make life choices not approved of -- that's part of their growth too.

It takes parents a while to fully come to terms with the adult decisions you make but when they do, a totally new and more rewarding/tolerant adult child-parent relationship deveops.

So to summarize: It feels horrible to let down parents but it may be inevitable, it's not the end of the world, they'll also get over it, and you have to live for yourself.

BTW, I don't mean to lecture, I'm honestly kinda talking to myself here, to be honest.

And...I'll try to think of something for the OP as well.

04-09-2008, 10:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
CzeCze Step Into My Centrifuge Join Date: Sep 2007 Type: ENFP Location: Minor Chords Posts: 3,256	Hey Angry, not really about the dad, but did you want to go med school? Is being a doctor your passion, your first choice? 'Cause I am an ENFP who has done similar things (though it may not look it...) and oh boy, trying to live up to your parents standards or make anyone else happy will NOT work. Especially for an ENFP you will be miserable. You will hit the wall eventually that you are a disappointment to your dad, probably when you are in your 30s, married to a woman you chose partially because of his approval, maybe with a kid, and a career you don't want with college debt you can't wish away. It will make you resentful and angry and oh yeah, you will still be a disappointment. So bail out now while you have the chance! I know, I'm totally melodramatic, but I'm ENFP like you so I'm allowed. Seriously though, following parents' wishes = bad formula. Your dad will get over it eventually. And if not, he will still continue to care about you. It's like "coming out" as your own person. This is not necessarily end of the world 'disappointment' or 'disapproval'. Parents are also people on their own individual journeys and coming to terms with the fact their children are independent people who are not under their contol and will make life choices not approved of -- that's part of their growth too. It takes parents a while to fully come to terms with the adult decisions you make but when they do, a totally new and more rewarding/tolerant adult child-parent relationship deveops. So to summarize: It feels horrible to let down parents but it may be inevitable, it's not the end of the world, they'll also get over it, and you have to live for yourself. BTW, I don't mean to lecture, I'm honestly kinda talking to myself here, to be honest. And...I'll try to think of something for the OP as well. __________________ Objectivity is what saves you. But subjectivity is what makes life worth living.