My one son is an ESFP. Not a total opposite... but enough.
It was so hard to figure out how to handle him. It's funny -- we do have one thing in common, the P factor -- and that is major connection there. He has Se and I have Ne, and we both have strong artistic skills, so that is the major thing we can connect on.
Otherwise, it really took a long time for me to come around to him. He frustrated me so much... and if he was a friend or someone else's child, I would have been fine with him, but simply having to "manage" him is the real killer.
I so much want to do the logical thing in the situation -- the most long-term efficient, most prudent thing -- and he always wants to take the short-term gratification route, no matter how it hurts him in the long run or other people in the process.
He is also very extroverted and I am so introverted... Some nights, I have had to plug up my ears or leave the room because I just could not handle the constant noise and activity (he's ten and chatters loudly through dinner, over top everyone, no matter how we "train" him, he'll start singing at the table, he'll get up and start dancing around or acting out what he's saying, he just can't STOP... and I cannot handle the stimulation).
How do I deal? I have had to change and create a space for him in my heart. Become realistic about who he is and respect him.
One thing I hated: We were so hard on him at first, and he is the only extrovert in our family, and by age 6-7 he was scared of everyone and seemed to be miserable all the time and actually acting SHY all of a sudden, and we realized that we had to make more space for him to be himself or we would ruin him for life. God, that was hard; I didn't want to change, and sometimes felt violated because as the parent I was the one who had to accommodate HIM, but... that is just life.
What does it mean? I try to "loosely" manage him, not dictate so much. I try to offer him solutions and structure but let him choose to do them, not mandate them. I let him suffer the ramifications of his actions. I try to see the humor in his mistakes, rather than think about how pissed I am he should have known better. I try to accept his constant humor as not a lack of seriousness, but just that he loves life and laughing and will always be a free spirit. I let myself go sometimes and not be so introverted.
I try to spend quiet times with him and ask him about his art. He loves to draw manga and is quite good at it. I try to value the good parts. I am such a lousy conversationalist sometimes, but he is the easiest of my children to talk to in some ways, he leads the conversation and takes all the pressure off me.... and he is so open about what he's doing and feeling.
I give myself permission to leave the room after a certain amount of time, if I cannot deal, and meanwhile convey that I just need space, that I am not abandoning him. And he gets that.
I wish he thought more deeply or caught onto things more quickly... but he is what he is, and he has shown me how much a stick in the mud I've become in so many ways... When did I ever become so serious? He helps me relax and loosen up.
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